The Difference Between Holding Space and Giving Advice

She starts to open up.
Her voice trembles. Her story spills out—messy, honest, raw.

And what rises in you?
The urge to fix.
To offer perspective. 

To share a verse, a memory, a tip.

But what if what she really needs isn’t advice?
What if it’s presence?

Holding Space: What It Means (and What It Doesn’t)

Holding space means staying with someone in their emotion without trying to change it.
It means:

• Listening more than speaking
  
• Validating without rushing to reframe
  
• Letting silence be sacred, not awkward
  
• Believing that her pain is real even if you don’t understand it
  

Holding space is not:

• Passive agreement with everything she says
  
• Avoiding truth
  
• Being emotionally absent or disengaged
  

It’s the radical act of offering your regulated, present, compassionate self—without needing to control the outcome.

Why Advice Can Sometimes Feel Like Dismissal

Advice isn’t wrong.
But timing is everything.

When someone is sharing something vulnerable, unsolicited advice can feel like:

• "You shouldn’t feel that way."
  
• "Here’s what I would do instead."
  
• "Let’s move out of this hard thing fast."
  

Even if it’s well-meant, it can create distance. Because underneath the advice, the hurting person hears: This discomfort is too much. Let's fix it now.

But healing often begins in being witnessed, not solved.

When to Speak, and When to Stay

A helpful rule:

• If someone asks for help or ideas, offer them gently.
  
• If they haven’t asked, just be present.
  

You can ask:

• "Would you like to vent or process right now, or are you looking for ideas?"
  
• "Do you want me to just listen, or would feedback be helpful?"
  

These questions honor her agency.
And they help you love better.

A Practice: Try Saying This Instead

Next time someone opens up, try:

• "That makes so much sense. I can see why you’d feel that way."
  
• "I’m here. I’m not going anywhere."
  
• And if it feels right: "Can I just sit with you in this for a minute?"
  

Presence is powerful.
More powerful than perfect words.

You Don’t Have to Have the Right Answer

You just have to stay.

To resist the urge to fix.
To remember that Spirit is often speaking in the silence.

Holding space isn’t less spiritual than offering advice.
It’s often more.

Because it echoes the way God loves us:
Not always with solutions, but always with nearness.

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